Happiness with Emotional maturity

Diagram of emotional intelligenceMany call it Emotional Intelligence, but when it comes to dealing with people around us, emotions play a key role in how people see us. Good and timely emotions can make us look more attractive and a pleasant personality to deal with, however a mistimed or a bad emotion can do just the reverse. This holds true in all scenarios from our families, friends to right inside our offices.

A person whom I knew from my childhood has probably not graced success in all the areas he ventured in. His investments gave him less returns, his business was giving him negative returns most of the time, his friends only see him as unpredictable and his family barely tolerates him. It so happened that one of his spiritual gurus explained to him the reason of his failure by blaming the stars, but craftily giving a strong recommendation that he should take a back seat and follow what his wife says. Even his businesses should be managed by her.

“ Creating the right balance is a must for a happy life “

Being God fearing, he ensured complete compliance. For a few months, his wife found it difficult, but very soon, things started coming back to normal. She managed the business better, where staff worked hard, customers had better trust and in a couple of years, things started getting back to normal. The exceptions of this man throwing tantrums and making things difficult for his wife were effectively handled by the spiritual guru who made part of the profits by confining this man to do more spiritual work instead of meddling with things already being done well.

On one of my meetings, the lady was candid enough to tell me that the only reason why nothing worked was the inability of her husband to control his emotional urges which pushed him to take decisions which bounced, causing distress to everyone involved.

Such people and their negative emotional life exist at every level in our society and they are the reason we have riots, terror attacks, extremism, split families, stress and the list can go on. Such people and societies fail to understand the outcome of their decisions and actions and continue to suffer and impact people around them, when it can be not only avoided but also reversed into happiness all around.

You can be a great family man, great boss and a superb friend if you take a few tips in your emotional balance seriously.

a. See a mirror whenever we feel good or bad about anything. Our face and its expression which gets multiplied quickly reflects the outcome of the emotion we are undergoing. If you are seen smiling by others, they too relax and smile with you. If you frown, do not expect others to return back their smiles.

b. Life is a perfect checksum game. What you give, sooner or later you get back the same. If you spread happiness, you get back in return and that holds true for your wrong actions too. It is extremely important for you to think before you act. Some decisions may not be right if taken in spur of the moment. Give yourself time to rethink before you take such decisions.

c. Engage yourself productively. Only those who have a lot of time and unused talent end up doing things which is designed to attract attention. While some actions may be positive, we have seen mostly negative actions out of such lack of engagement. Jobless youths turn to crime, bored housewife triggers fights, retired old people get sick quickly and unattended kids are usually naughtier. Seek some useful engagement irrespective of the fact that it gives any money in return or not and ensure your vacant time is spent well.

d. Disengage yourself from overdoing anything. Creating the right balance is a must for a happy life. Working too hard, going to extremes to get what one desires may work some times, but has its own collateral damages. Take time out to relax and find the good things in life and people around. Listening to music, playing some game you like, taking a vacation, spending quality time with your family and friends are few such things you should practice.

e. Take care of your health. Your physical health has a great bearing on your mental health from where these emotions originate. Ensure some time for your body and mind which gives you the very life you are working for, till your last day on this planet.

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Alok Kumar

Alok Kumar is Managing Partner of SRKay Consulting group, a private equity company, nurturing innovative ventures. Alok also serves on the board of ICCL (Indian Clearing Corporation Limited - A subsidiary of BSE- Bombay Stock Exchange) as an external advisor for technology and information security. Prior to this, Alok had been Managing Director of Sears IT & Management Services India Private Limited (SHI) since its inception in December 2009 and served in the same position till very recently. Having been in senior IT management positions in Fortune 500 companies, Alok has won several national and international awards. Alok is instrumental in planning and setting up SHI and thereafter growing it to a multi-locational thousand-plus people organization. Over the last five years, with his strategic vision, Alok helped SHI grow roots in India, develop and support technology applications and infrastructure across core mainframe, cutting edge e-Commerce and big data technologies. With his unique people-oriented transformational leadership style, Alok turned SHI into one of the most valued investments of Sears, garnering great ROIs, and creating value much beyond cost arbitrage. Under his tutelage, SHI has filed two patents and is recognized widely for its best practices in various areas, the latter, currently featured in Indian Institute of Management (IIM) case studies. SHI also became a CMMI Level 3, PCMM Level 3, and ISO 20000 certified organization. Alok is a widely acclaimed corporate leader in India today. He regularly participates and leads various forums as a keynote speaker and is an author of several books in different genres. Alok has several awards to his credit. He is particularly known in the industry for his people management skills and innovative ideas in improving the productivity of employees through unique people practices. He has been credited with the following industry awards: ¬ Emerging Leader of the Year award 2013 by IndiasGreatest.com ¬ Game Changer CEO of the Year 2013 (SHRM) ¬ CIO 100 - The Bold CIOs - 2008 (Reliance Infosolutions) ¬ CIO - Ones to Watch Award 2008 (Reliance Industries) ¬ Extended Manager Award - CIOL 2004 (Tata Teleservices) As an able leader of SHI, Alok got SHI recognized widely in the industry with the following several awards: ¬ CII Award for HR Best Practices in 2014 ¬ Global Excellence in Outsourcing Award - AIOP (Phoenix 2013) ¬ IT Innovation Award (Design & Engineering) - Computer Society of India 2012 ¬ Golden Company of the Year - Economic Times 2011-12 ¬ 7th Employer Branding Awards - World HRD Congress (Mumbai, India) 2013: • ‘Asia’s Best Employer’ Award • ‘Best HR Strategy’ in line with business • HR Leadership Award • Talent Management Award by Bloomberg TV India ¬ Employer Branding Awards - World HRD Congress (Singapore, Asia) 2013: • 7th rank in ‘Asia’s Best Employer’ award • Award for ‘Best HR Strategy’ in line with the business • HR Leadership Award Other recognitions: Alok had served on the distinguished panel of NASSCOM's GIC (Global In-house Centers) National Council members. The council members play a key role in major initiatives of the industry and include the torch bearers of IT industry as panel members. Books and Papers: Alok is an established author, with three books to his credit. Alok’s third and latest book, a novel, “The Spy from Unaula” is a 2015 publication. A handwriting analysis enthusiast, Alok collaborated with his wife Nandani on the book, “Handwriting Speaks” in 2006. “Value Sourcing – Future of IT Outsourcing” was co-authored with Keith Sherwell (currently CIO, Altice USA) and was released in 2013. Alok also researched and published two whitepapers: a. “Creating next generation captives” talks about the best practices that are helping generate higher value from the IT company captives.

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